The Meaning of Marriage - Timothy Keller

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Chapter 2: The Power FOR Marriage

  • Often I find myself serving others to gain a moral high-ground. This is not service, but rather it is just manipulation. At the root of this, is a self-centred pride issue.
  • However, the gospel message liberates me to receive anything when I give to others. The death of Jesus, who joyfully and willingly sacrificed his life to clean my slate allows me to freely give and freely receive
  • Self-centredness makes you blind to your own sin while being hypersensitive by that of others
  • We need Christ's Spirit to constantly be filling our souls so that we have enough love to allow us to love our spouse even when I'm not getting much affection or kindness
  • I only find happiness after I put the happiness of my spouse ahead of my own - however this needs to be in a sustained way, that is in response to what Jesus has done for me
    • Understand what Jesus has done for me --> liberated from needing to be defined by things of this world --> freely give and freely receive
  • "Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy, and you will find a new and deeper happiness"
  • When facing any problem in marriage, the first thing to look for at the base of it is some form of self-centredness and an unwillingness to serve or minister to the other
  • We need to stop making excuses for selfishness and begin to root it out as it's revealed to you
  • Work on Spirit-generated selflessness - not thinking less of yourself but thinking about yourself less. This means taking your mind off yourself and realising that in Christ all my needs are going to be met so that I don't look at my spouse as my saviour
  • Forgiveness and grace increase the feat of the Lord
    • What is it that governs your heart?
    • If there is anything that controls it more than the reality of God's love for me, I will not be in a position to serve others unselfishly
    • Only our of fear of the Lord will we be liberated to serve others
  • Until God has the proper place in my life, I will always complain that my spouse isn't loving me well enough, respecting me enough or not supporting me enough. 
  • Knowing and understand God's character more (through prayer, study and devotionals) allows me to over time, fear and respond like He would.

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